[puerto rico lo hace mejor]
self-taught photographer and hopeless wanderer. digital & 35 mm.
this is how i live.
e’s had a lot of work to do (even AFTER 50 hour weeks in denver) since we got back so i love when he’s able to take a break in the afternoons and take a walk with us.
sunny, breezy, and balmy this afternoon, but our walk was frigid, cloudy, and downright blustery.
hiking in the mountains on a warm and sunny weekend.
flying home today.
it’s been lovely getting to know a new place and new people. home is calling though, with waylon, and the woods, and our comfortable routines.
in other news…
Denver truly is the mile-high city now. legally.
we just celebrated at the health center on downing.
(e also got himself a schmancy new haircut…rawr)
on top of the 3 i’m already apart of, i’ve started a new blog, for food.
for experiments. for pictures, for the general foodie nerd things that strike my fancy.
so far, my cooking habit starts out with one recipe to provide a base, and then i creatively “riff” off of it, or make it pretty close to the recipe. the decision depends on taste and time, but mostly rides on what is in our fridge and pantry.
there’s so many food blogs out there. it seems a bit ridiculous. this is just another place for me to be creative and share, no matter who’s looking.
Trying on the suburban, corporate lifestyle hat for a while.
So far, all I can think about is how grateful I am that we can leave this and return to Floyd, to our little house in the middle of the woods with the creek you have to cross to get there.
Partaking in this lifestyle for a bit, it becomes so evident to me the issues that arise and the rifts it creates in the home.
I think too, part of it is what you’ve grown up with, but on some level, there’s something that’s just not right about the absent life - absent because one lives at work, sees one’s spouse and children in the evenings (maybe) and on weekends after all the chores are done. It’s unsettling.
To be fair, Everett warned me. He’s scolded me for complaining that he doesn’t share enough of his personal time with me. After this trip, I don’t think I’ll complain again…until another one of these trips, anyways.
Even IF you’re with the “right” person - your best friend - this atmosphere is not exactly modeled to promote a healthy, co-habitant relationship. Sure, you live in the same house and sleep in the same bed, but your days don’t contain the same experiences -not even close. Exhausted from expending your energies all day for someone else, possibly doing something you don’t give two hoots about, to come home and turn on the tv for a bit, maybe watch the kids, maybe share a little bit of your day with your partner, and then….what? Your sex/intimacy drive is completely killed after giving away little bits of yourself to employer and fellow employees and complete strangers 70% of the time, there’s no time to work on projects around the house (except maybe weekends), your partner no doubt has their own schedule, social and otherwise, and if there are kids involved….
But you can’t just say screw it. There’s the cable bill, the smartphones to pay for, the babysitters and daycare and the lunches out with “the girls”, the nail and hair salon and the massages…
Nothing is inherently wrong with any of these things. It’s just when they become central to your very existence that the issue arises. When they become band-aids for and distractions from a very real and deep problem.
If I were a suburban “house-wife”, I firmly believe I would remain a depressed and repressed chain smoker who cracks a bottle of whiskey at 10 am and bitterly resents any enjoyment of life whatsoever, forever locking myself in my house and refusing to go out because I hated the world just outside.
That being said, there are positives to our trip. After spending a couple of nights with E’s boss and his family (lovely people; Abby has been my chauffeur and helped me run errands and I’ve watched her children for her) we’ve moved into our airbnb apartment and it’s nice. Just a kitchen, bathroom, living room, and bedroom, but that’s all we need. Weed is legal here; we still plan to investigate the shops, and I’m in desperate need of some mountain air and hiking. Boulder was beautiful and almost like Floyd, if it were a very large college town in the southwest with lots of money and trusts involved. And, after several days of eating way too much “junk food” and feeling off, it’s nice to get back to being the master of our own meal fates and enjoying simple, homemade fare.
A city girl, I am not.
(but I enjoy it every now and again)
i was raised in a culture that applauded large families.
the idea was to raise little recruits for jesus’s army and send them out into the world, ready to pass judgment and preach against abortion to the heathen. in this culture, while not the goal per se, honeymoon babies were exciting and hoped for, having 5 kids under the age of 8 was normal, and every pregnancy was greeted with much to-do, even if it was number 8. large families were revered, spoken of with large eyes and an almost worshipful attitude. people with one child or even two…eh. those people were silly - they couldn’t possibly know what they were missing! TWO kids? why did they even bother - they COULD have just gotten some dogs and called it even.
i come from a large family, and i LOVED it (still do). rather, i GREW to love it (i’m the oldest of 7). my siblings are my best friends and i can’t imagine not having that many people to text whenever i’m bored (just kidding). we’ve grown even closer as we’ve gotten older and i love watching them become their own people and start their own families (not yet, but we’re getting there). i’ve loved them, disciplined them, helped raise them, given them rides, driving lessons, cooked for them, cleaned up their vomit, changed their diapers, and wiped their tears from the age of a teenager til now (i still do some of these things for them, just nothing involving poop…that’s waylon), and so in some ways, they’re also “my” children (sorry if that sounds weird, but it’s true). when you’re part of a large family, there’s no opportunity to be selfish. i’m not saying families of two children don’t learn to share, but when there’s 7 of you, you HAVE to share and get along - you won’t survive if you don’t. you have to be patient. cooperation is the glue for the entire unit, and if you got cocky and miscalculated your position, you could end up just as in trouble as the other miscreant, whether you hit anyone or not.
i LOVE it when all of my siblings are together in one room (increasingly difficult these days, what with jobs and long-distance boyfriends and ballet classes and houses to clean). going out to eat all together (happens rarely, which makes it more enjoyable) is a BLAST (we’ve become accustomed to the amazed stares by now). my siblings are funny. they’re creative. they’re smart. and they’re attractive people (this is not just a biased opinion). i hope it’s gratifying for my mother to see us interacting and sit at our graduations proud of all her hard work and looooong, unpaid, and very often vastly unappreciated hours, because children are monsters - they don’t care you had to drop everything to clean up their poo..why wouldn’t you do that.
so. imagine my mother’s horror when, at around ten years old (maybe younger), i announced i was never getting married or having children.
my views on this have somewhat changed. not drastically, but my desire for children of my own hovers somewhere between a 3 and 4 (on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being “NEVER, are you KIDDING me?” and 10 being “I WANT BABIES”).
timeframe? the next 5 years and possibly never. in other words, NOT now.
we have waylon. we don’t need another little one right now, maybe EVER. waylon is wonderful. he is his father’s son - smart, beautiful, insatiably curious (he loves to see his poop when he’s finished), sweet, funny, fearless, adventurous, STUBBORN, giving, energetic, loves to “help”…so many good things.
i love him.
and you have to love them, in order to have the patience for everything taking 10 times longer than it should, the early mornings when you really really need more sleep than you got but when naptime rolls around you’re too keyed up to sleep yourself so you’ll have to settle for falling asleep over dinner. the poop in the underpants. the whining. the mess-making. the resistance to any adult direction. the “why’s” (sometimes as many 10 in a row). the bopping around when all you want them to do is just sit DOWN for one MINUTE and eat a DAMN snack. the ability to test boundaries again and again, sometimes requiring “NO” to the same thing multiple times in a row.
yes. patience and love are important when it comes to these tiny, ungrateful, unaware, amazing little monsters. if you don’t have one or the other, you will be learning them, no choice on your part involved.
kids are GREAT. showing them the ocean for the first time, even just taking a walk outside to our creek is a wonder-filled experience that is so worth it. kids are wonderful. i understand that word better now - full of wonder. and it wears off on you and helps you see things you might have missed from your important adult world.
make sure you can’t live without them before trying to introduce one into your lives. respect other people’s decisions regarding their families (some of us aren’t cut out to have children, just dogs - jury’s still out on me, but seeing as i already sort of “have” a child, then there you go) or seeming “lack” thereof. enjoy the large families (just don’t bring up the same old “WOW - so many kids!” thing…we already feel like a 3-ring circus when we go out). enjoy your own kids.
enjoy your nieces and nephews, or your friends’ kids, because those are the ones you can give back.
ok. time to be done. it’s naptime.
taking today slow and low key.
coffee in front of the fire, with TED talks and discussions for this evening.
tickets for denver (work) and puerto rico (play) have been booked.
copywriting to work on, as well as various kitchen projects and other outdoor things (wood, mainly, since it’s winter).
2013 is almost over. thank god. while a good year, it has been chock full of change, new and stretch mark-inducing experiences, goodbyes, misunderstandings, comprehension, hellos, confusion, challenges, release, fear, encouragement, and relief.
i’m ready to have life simmer down for awhile. get into a familiar rhythm, that can be broken spontaneously and as we choose.
that last part is a tad unrealistic but it’s been known to happen.
let’s do it.
i’ve been making batches of fresh almond milk and sipping on it throughout the day…it’s like liquid gold.
so very delicious. so rich and creamy……
(for a how-to, visit our blog.)